How easy it is to get caught up in arguing, being defensive and trying desperately to get your point across. I often find myself dealing with glaring emotions about what is happening in the world, the country and the community. I think, surely a dose of logic will turn the tide and help folks search for common ground.
My little community – three miles long, less than a mile between the ocean and the Intracoastal – is a microcosm of the same anger that is reaching boiling point all over. And I found out just how easy it is to get caught up in arguing, being defensive and trying desperately to get my point across on Christmas Day. Great timing, right?
What Happened?
Our community volunteers were recently recognized by local government for their work in cleaning up a community which had fallen into disrepair and neglect. This group came together only a year ago and accomplished a great deal because of hard work and commitment.
I posted a clip of the recognition on social media thinking surely everyone would be pleased.
Apparently not. Instead, a few folks took the opportunity to complain about everything from hotels built well before this group began their work, decisions made by local government that they felt were unnecessary, and yes, even hyper-inflation at the national level.
Ouch
A few of us argued on the social media thread, reeling over the sense of negativity after having poured hours and hours into the community. We tried to explain, logically and factually. That didn’t work. The negativity grew on both sides – me included – and soon I was wondering when the social media admins would shut us down.
I know that arguing doesn’t work. But darn it, I wanted to make my point and have it heard. Knowing the hours put into the community, I became defensive, and the more I tried to explain, the angrier and more graphic the pushback became.
How do we change this?
Arguing about opinions probably isn’t new. What is (sort of) new is social media where anyone can make a claim without facts.
We all have our opinions and that should be what makes us strong – as a community, and as a country. Given that there are rarely purely right answers, getting to an answer takes dialogue and debate from all points of view. The result should be something that works for the common good.
That isn’t what’s happening these days. We all – me included – want to be heard – want our opinion to be respected.
But I can only commit to a change for myself, and I am going to do that. I want to listen more openly to others’ opinions and respect the fact that they have the right to their opinion. I want to stop trying to get everyone on board with my own opinion. That doesn’t mean I’m going to stop sharing my thoughts, just that I will try to do a better job of recognizing others’ rights to disagree. And I do plan to avoid online arguing from this point on.
I invite anyone who is tired of bickering and arguing to join me.
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